The Quest For The Ultimate Hottie!
by Paopu Pop
Summary: When Zelos and Kratos start battling out who's hotter, Sheena cooks up a wonderous idea! LAST CHAPTER UP! Carl attacks, Kratos goes Pedestrian Bowling, and introducing an old guy with a gray wig.
1. Round 1

**Genki: GUESS WHO'S BACK?! Okay... none of you would know me. I wrote Pokémon and SSBM fanfics. I kicked off the site, so I, of course, had to create a new ID. So... yeah. -.-; Sorry guys. And this fanfic did it all. So! I made this fanfic so that it goes for all the rules... ::shifty eyes:: I believe. So, anyway, I need somebody to do my disclaimer! ::shifty eyes:: Zelos!! ::uses authoress powers to call up Zelos::**

**Zelos: Eh?... ::blinks:: HUNNY! ::glomps::**

**Genki: ::nervous laughter:: n.n;; so Zelos... will you do the disclaimer for me?**

**Zelos: Of course, hunny!**

**Genki: ::sighs;offers rose to Zelos:: n.****n Do the disclaimer!!**

**Zelos: ::takes rose;holds rose in hand:: Despite what the Great Genki wants, she does not own Tales of Symphonia or it's characters, even though all the chicks want me! ::tosses rose::**

**Genki: ::claps:: Excellent work!**

**Zelos: Thank you! **

**Genki: n.****n You're a great muse! But I do own the idea for this story. I have proof! It was when I was playing with Kratos in Asgard, he kept running around, calling himself the "Ultimate Hottie!" Heehee... Anyway, so now that the official business is done, on to our journey-- ::points sorta like Sheena does every so often:: To the Ultimate Hottie!**

**The Quest For The Ultimate Hottie!! (edited/unscripted version)**

_**The First Round!!**_

Once upon a time, there was a place called, well, this News Reporter didn't seem to know either.

"I'm here today at this.... erm... place..."

In the backround, there was a boy yelling, "ISELIA!!!"

"Right, Iselia... to see WHAT the big fight amongst our 'people who combined the worlds together'... what was the title for people like that?..."

"Heroes?"

"Heroes! That's right. Kratos is also here with us, for somehow he found a replacement to send Expheres into space or whatever. So! Let's see what this is all about!!"

And there were the 'heroes' from Tales of Symphonia!!

"Since when did cameras exist?" asked Lloyd.

"Don't you remember? Somebody invented TV's, cameras, and such, but just recently told the world!!" Genis replied.

Lloyd stared at Genis.

"You ARE hopeless, Lloyd," Genis sighed, shaking his head back and forth slowly.

And somewhere else, you could hear Zelos and Regal yelling about something.

"I am SO HOT!" yelled Zelos.

"You are NOT!" fought Regal.

"Oh, I see! You two are trying to rhyme!!" Colette butted in. "Well, "ass" doesn't rhyme with "stupid..." may I suggest--"

Lloyd saw Colette. "Colette! How many times have I told you to stay away from Zelos?!?"

"Sorry Lloyd! But he's so friendly..."

"TOO friendly..."

Zelos did disturbing laugh.

"That's a disturbing laugh." Regal repeated to the fanfic.

"I know!!" replied Zelos happily.

"WHERE'S THE FIGHTING?!?" The News Reporter shouted.

"Oh, sorry hunny," Zelos said flirtiously. (is that a WORD?... o.o;) "Kratos had to take a... erm... break..."

"Eww..."

Kratos bursted out of the Sage home. "HAHA! Now, Zelos! I'll show you a TRUE man!!!"

Lloyd tugged on Colette's and Genis's clothes. "Come on, I don't think I want to see Dad try to make himself look better than Zelos..." The thought of it frightened him.

"But Kratos is so much better than Zelos! Zelos is an ass..." Genis grunted.

"I thought you only thought he was an ass when we first met him..." Lloyd questioned.

"I have my reasons..." Genis starting thinking about the times that Zelos got close to HIS Presea. HIS. Even though she was 28 or 29. Feh.

"Is something wrong, Genis?" Presea asked.

Genis blushed. "No, n-nothing!!"

Presea sighed.

"Zelos, when you flirt like that, girls shall only flirt back, but you'll never win a true love!...or two...or three..." Kratos added on with a chuckle.

"So you cheated on Anna!!" Zelos fought back.

"Nuh uh! You know, being 4,000 years old... I had to do SOMETHING all those years..." He snickered. "Martel..."

"Dad, you were with Martel? How is that POSSIBLE?!" Lloyd asked.

"I have my ways..." ::snicker:: "Let's just say, it was before the world was split..." ::snicker::

"Eww!!!! BAD IMAGES!!" Lloyd starting rocking back and forth. "THIS ISN'T MY DAD!!"

"Ha.Ha.Ha." Kratos chuckled at his son. He was actually only kidding.

"Come on, you KNOW that ladies love men who love to be with 'em, and with a sword!" Zelos pulled out his sword from its sheath just to prove his point, forgetting Kratos also had a sword.

"Ah, you may have THAT sword, but I have an even LONGER one!" Kratos winked to suggest something else.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" Lloyd screamed. He hid behind Genis.

"Why do you hide behind me when I'm shorter than you?"

"I'm afraid of everyone else!!" Lloyd cried.

Genis patted Lloyd's head. Well, as best as he could.

"You bastard!!" Zelos shouted at Kratos.

"Mwehehehe..." Kratos laughed oddly, stealing one of my laughs. -.-;;

"Zelos, you stole my line!!!!" Lloyd yelled from behind Genis.

"Then why don't YOU come defend me?" Zelos replied.

"Ewwww......"

"Well, I feel loved..."

"Ooh! I got an idea on how to settle this!!" Sheena shouted.

Everyone stared at Sheena, waiting.

"It'll be a gameshow! **The Quest for the Ultimate Hottie!** And I'll be the host!!"

"Wow, I didn't know Sheena could act like that..." Lloyd commented. "I always thought of her as a stubborn karate butt-kickin girl...."

Sheena stared at Lloyd.

::sweatdrop:: "Heh."

"I think that's a great idea, Sheena!!" Colette giggled.

"Oh, what the hey? Sounds fun!!" Raine laughed, retreating from the Sage home.

"No guy would ever be low enough for you..." Lloyd laughed.

Genis snickered.

Raine whacked both in the head, and Genis and Lloyd felt a lot of pain with the blow, sorta making a face like this: .O.O.

"Great! Let's get started!" Sheena shouted.

"Buwhevegonsartit?" Lloyd asked, sorta dumb-sounding.

"What? You're sounding stupider than usual..."

"Itinkmihadgumedup..."

"I think I hit his head too hard..." Raine laughed.

"That's not funny!" Genis defended.

Raine whacked Genis in the head again.

Genis pointed and started laughing at Lloyd.

"Good boy." Raine smiled.

"So... let's start it in the schoolhouse!" Sheena shouted.

Lloyd sighed.

_At the schoolhouse..._

"All right! Maybe we should have another contestant...." Sheena pondered.

Raine pulled up Lloyd's hand in the hand, but Lloyd didn't have the coordination to fight off Raine, leaving his hand hanging in the air.

"I think Lloyd wants to volunteer!!" Raine said.

"Lloyd?" Sheena blushed at the thought. "Okay... sure..."

Lloyd walked oddly over to Kratos and Zelos. "Yutumakmesik...."

"What?" Zelos asked.

Kratos understood Lloyd. "Nevermind, Zelos..."

"Horumiblodralatdad?"

"Mwehehe."

"Eww..." Lloyd shook his head wildly. "Yeah, I got my brain back!"

"Good, I was getting sick of your jibberish..." Kratos sighed.

"How did you understand what I was saying?"

"I'm your dad and an angel. What'd you expect?"

"A raise on my allowance!!" Lloyd stuck out his hand.

"No."

Lloyd cried.

"Let's start the first round!! Ermm..." Sheena thought of a first round. "Ooh! How about: Make a title for yourself and tell us why you should be the Ultimate Hottie!! You each have 5 minutes." She handed Lloyd, Kratos, and Zelos cue cards and pencils.

_5 minutes later..._

The girls were sitting at a table together, while Genis and Regal acted as spectators, and the three contestants were at desks at the front, everybody sitting down.

Zelos stood up. "I'll go first!! My name is: The Great Zelos, "Wilder" than any other guy!"

"He should get extra points for the pun..." Sheena whispered.

"I believe that I, The Great Zelos, should be the Ultimate Hottie, because I let all the ladies know just how special they are. And it takes a real man to wear pink! Am I right? Of course I am!"

(Note: Thanks to my little sister, Kame, for that one!)

"I'm also willing to let everyone have some love, not just for the ladies!" He winked at Lloyd.

Lloyd stared at Zelos, face turning into a cherry.

"Girls do seem to like yaoi pairings..." Raine whispered.

The other three girls nodded in response.

"Even though I am human, I have elven blood injections so I can use magic swords! I'm the guy for everyone: Humans, elves, and in-between! Thank you!!" Zelos bowed and sat down.

All the girls applauded.

"I'm so totally frightened," Regal said.

"Same," replied Genis.

Kratos stood up. "I'll go next, since my son seems to be a bit uncomfortable..."

We see Lloyd, whom is shaking wildly.

"My name is: Your Guardian KRATOS Angel! Erm... Aurion."

"Angels are nice..." Presea commented.

"I KNOW I should be the Ultimate Hottie..." He gave Zelos a "I'm better than you" look. "...because the ladies love a man whom is mysterious, but still cares. And I'm a family man too!" He pointed to Lloyd. "Besides, I AM an angel--"

"Technically, you're not--" Lloyd started.

"WAIT FOR YOU TURN!!"

::whimper::

"So... ANYWAY, I'm an angel, and ladies gotta love that! Plus, although I am 4,000 years old, I know a lot of stuff, and I'm really wise and junk! So, be mine!"

The girls applauded again.

Kratos nudged Lloyd.

"Uhh...oh!" Lloyd stood up, cue cards shaking in hands. "Hi, I'm Lloyd Irving."

"That's it?" Sheena asked.

Kratos nudged Lloyd again. "Don't embarrass me as my son!"

_Looks who's talking... _Lloyd thought. "I'm Lloyd Irving: The Hero?"

"A rocky start...." Raine commented.

"Err... I think I should be the Ultimate Hottie because I like--"

Kratos nudged Lloyd AGAIN. "I'm sorry Lloyd, you must've picked up my cue cards by mistake..."

"What?"

Kratos gave Lloyd a harsh look to follow along and switched the cue cards. "SEE?"

"Ohh..." Lloyd got the hint. "Yeah... I believe I should be the Ultimate Hottie because I have the guts and the stubbornness to protect any girl in danger?..." He stared at the seeming-to-be satified Kratos. "I also am a bit of a doorknob, I know, but who can't fall in love with someone so innocent?... And I already have a girl, wink at Colette, so that just makes me hard to get. Oh, and my dad is also hot, if not hotter. Thank you." Lloyd sat down, quite embarrassed..

All the girls applauded.

"You were supposed to WINK AT COLETTE! Not read it!!" Kratos whispered to his son.

"Yeah, I realized that afterwards..."

"Doorknob."

"Yeah, you know, thanks, Dad."

"It makes me happy in my heart now that you call me Dad! Not Kratos... or Traitor..."

"By the way, how come you put it that you're hot?"

"'Cause it's true!"

"What about Dirk? He's my dad too, you know..."

"Forget Dork!"

"Dwarven vow #1999: Don't make fun of Dwarves, or they'll come after you with sledgehammers."

"What's Dwarven vow #2000?"

"Dwarven vow #2000: Make your father Cheezy Nachos on a daily basis. If there's no Nachos, make him some kind of Mexican food."

"Ooh... Nachos! Make me some!"

"You're not a dwarf."

"DAMN!"

"By the way, I meant 'Dad' was Kratos, not Dirk."

All the girls "ohh"ed in response.

**Who will win the first round? Find out... if I get enough reviewers!! ::facefaults::**

**I must admit, the scripted the version is much better. Ah... well... it's against the rules. -.- I... don't... like.... rules... ANYWAY! If you ask questions during a review, I may not answer them right away. My email is connected to Yahoo!, and... well.... u.u; AOL has blocked me from Yahoo!. I'm trying to find a way around the system though.... CURSE YOU AOL, FROM BLOCKING ME FROM RANDOM PAGES, SUCH AS THE GUIDELINES-- ::ahem:: Sorry. n.n;**


	2. Erk, Round 2?

**Genki: OH MY GOD, I GOT REVIEWS!!! ::screams happily:: And even better, I could READ THEM!!!!!! ::cries:: I'm going to continue for all my FANS!! I need a muse to accompany me... YUAN!!!!**

**Yuan: What?.... -.-**

**Genki: n.n;; Help me answer my reviews!!**

**Yuan: You're kidding me....**

**Genki: DO IT!!**

**  
Yuan: ::shields self:: OKAY, OKAY!! ::shudders::**

**To XxZykexX: Thank you!! n.n Umm.... I'm glad it was so funny. Because I thought so too. MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!**

**Yuan: ::grumbles something and hands next review::**

**To sirhcnotilih: Oh dear, I hope I spelled that right... Anyway! Thank you for your ratings?.... n.n; But that doesn't waver my decisions on winners. Because I control EVERYBODY!!!**

**Yuan: ::ahem:: ::hands next review::**

**To dood: OKAY, OKAY, I'M CONTINUING!!!!!!! T.T  
**

**To Ryu Warrior: Thank you for spreading the words! Right on!! ::peace sign:: **

**To ryder77: How sad. Oh, well, thanks for your review anyway. n.n; As you can see, I have fans, so I must carry on! ::cheezy dramatic pose::**

**Yuan: Last one... u.u;**

**To Random Person: Lots of potential?! NO WAY! Oh... don't worry... I have means for my Dwarven Vows... ::attempt at evil laugh:: **

**Genki: YAYEE! Now it's superhard to concentrate because I'm on the phone with Ame. Say hi!**

**  
Ame: ::oddly:: Hi.**

**Genki: And Kame just got water on the computer....**

**Kame: ::being annoying::**

**Genki: So.... do you wanna do the disclaimer?**

**Ame: Why?....**

**Genki: Because. **

**Ame: Sure... Genki doesn't own a thing.**

**Genki: Yay! Now, let's start!**

**The Quest For The Ultimate Hottie!! (edited/unscripted version)**

_**The Second Round!!**_

A few minutes passed by as the girls discussed scores. And... more went by.... and more... and more.... ::yawn:: and more... geez, I can't believe us girls are so talkative!... and more... and MORE... ::authoress falls asleep due to extreme boredom::

::wakes up:: EH?! Ah, right! Um... and about 2 hours later, when everyone else had fallen asleep, the girls FINALLY agreed on something. Okay... Zelos was PRETENDING to sleep while staring at the girls-- BUT I'M JUST RANTING!

"WE HAVE DECIDED!!" Sheena declared.

All the guys woke up, startled. Except for Zelos. Whom gracefully "woke up."

"The first round is out of 10 points!" Sheena continued. "In third place...................................................... with a score..............of 8.......................................................................LLOYD!!"

A chorus of applause came mostly from the girls, except for the small tidbits of claps from Regal and Genis. Lloyd sighed in relief that he was losing: he did NOT want to be a hottie. No. Not at all.

"Now, since we only have two left, we'd like a drumroll from the audience!" Raine looked to Regal and Genius, who just stared. "I SAID DRUMROLL!!!"

"Do we _have_ to?" whined Genus. Genas paused for a second. "STOP SPELLING MY NAME WRONG!!!!! IT'S G-E-N-I-S!!!! _GENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

Oops, sorry... n.n;;

"You did it on purpose."

Yeah, actually, I kept spelling it wrong...

"Genis, who are you talking to?!" Raine shouted.

"N-nobody!" Genis clasped his hands and quietly prayed. "Thank you, Lord." Call me Genki. "Ah... right." ... "I can't believe God's talking to me!!" Oh, never_mind..._

_"DO THE DRUMROLL, OR OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!" _Raine shouted.

"ALL RIGHT!!" Regal jumped up and pulled out a giant pair of drumsticks. (Yes, he's still wearing the handcuffs...) First it started with innocent banging on the table. Then he started screaming his head off like a madman and _broke_ the drumsticks. After that, he started kicking the chairs and the desks everywhere, causing everyone to back away. "GRRRRRAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He roared.

"AHH!! RAINE, I'M SCARED!!!!!!" Genis ducked behind Raine.

"Don't be." Raine announced like a warrior, then gallantly held up a banana. (Wait, "gallantly?"-- NEVERMIND!) "Here, Regal..."

"Ooh?" Regal grunted like an ape and looked at the banana being _gallantly_ held up by Raine. "OOH OOH OOH!!" Regal hopped down from a desk that immediately broke afterwards and took the banana. "Banana!" He grunted, and just shoved it in his mouth. No, he didn't peel it. He _stuffed _it directly in his mouth.

"Eww..." all the girls grimaced.

"No wonder you're no hottie..." Sheena glared down at the blue haired.... APE!

"Oh, Lloyd, I was so scared!!" Genis ran into Lloyd's arm, acting all lovey-dovey. "I wuv you!"

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!!" Lloyd pushed off Genis quickly. "I-it would never work! We're five years apart in age... a-and I'm taken by Colette! D-didn't you hear my sp-speech?"

"LLOYD?! HOW COULD YOU?!?" Genis was about to run out the door when Genis came into his way, huffing. You heard me folks. Genis. And Genis.

"IMPOSTER!! I'M NOT GAY!!" the second Genis yelled.

"AHH!! SO... CONFUSED!!" Presea collasped on the floor, twitching.

"PRESEAAAAA!!!" the second Genis screamed.

"He _must_ be the real Genis! Genis loves Presea!" Lloyd yelled. "Ooh! Opportunity!" Lloyd started chanting sing-songish. "Genis loves Presea... Genis loves Presea!!"

But both Genises didn't listen, and started beating each other up. Let me tell you something. Two twelve-year-old-look-alike boys beating each other up is quite funny. ::insert laugh::

"GGGRRRR!!!" They rolled on the floor mindlessly beating each other up. ::insert laugh::

"Can you remember which one's the Genis?!" Lloyd said, quite worried.

"Aww... I had it-- NO! I'M LOSING!!" Kratos shouted.

"Losing?-- THIS ISN'T A GAME!"

"Ooh, I know!" Colette hopped and down, eyes focused on the Genises.

One of the Genises slammed the other into a wall. A big cloud of dust formed, and the Genis against the wall was no other than....

"YUAN?!" Genis hopped up on his feet and stared at the imposter. "Why you...."

"Yeah, it was me!" Yuan got up, and brushed off the dust.

Lloyd's face turned bright red. "Uhh... Yuan, you feel that way about me?"

"What-- NO!" Yuan blushed. Imagine that. "I was making fun of Genis!"

"What were you doing acting like Genis, anyway?" Presea asked, finally getting over her fit.

"I wanted to see what you guys were up to."

"By simply coming here as Genis, then acting gay and about to run away? How incredibly smart of you, Yuan," Kratos sighed. "You _were_ always a bit dumb..."

"Hey!" Yuan glared.

"ALL OF YOU, SHUT-UP!" Sheena shouted. Everyone froze. "I NEVER GOT TO TELL YOU THE WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Realization swept all through the room, and everything was quiet until Sheena's voice announced the winner.

"In second place...................................................... with a score..............of 9.......................................................................ZELOS!!"

"WHAT?!" Zelos shouted. "HOW DID HE BEAT ME?!?!"

But Kratos stood up and cheered. "WHOOHOO!! WHO'S YOUR DADDY?! AHAHAHAAA!!!" Kratos started dancing weirdly.

"Which leaves Kratos with first place!" Raine announced, but Kratos already knew this, and continued his.... dance. u.u;;

Meanwhile, the score took so long to announce, that Yuan sneaked a cookie from Genis's pocket (Genis has pockets?! Well, he does now, anyway.) and started to eat it. Yuan turns around so we see a label on his back.

**WARNING: DO NOT FEED THE ANIMAL SUGAR. IF YOU DID, RUN!!!!!!!!!!**

What animal?... Oh. Yuan.

Suddenly, the awesome amount of sugar in that one, single cookie soaked into Yuan's system, causing a major malfunctuation.

"Eee" Yuan finally stopped acting like himself. "ILOVECHEESE!!" Yuan started spinning in circles. "Cheesecheesecheese!!" Spin, spin, spin....

Everyone else stared at the odd Yuan. Then Kratos felt a presence behind him, and turned to see an extremely short man behind him. "Who the hell are you?!"

"Uhh, just your friendly neighborhood Spiderman!" The midget did the "web from the wrist" motion and swung out of the schoolhouse.

"Ooh!" Yuan stopped spinning. "IsSpidermanamanlyspideroraspiderlymanItsareallyharddecisionyouknowyoujustneverknowaboutpeopleorspiderlypeople--"

"SHUT-UP!!" everyone shouted. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, and Yuan just kept chattering... and chattering away.

"Ooharock!" Yuan picked up a rock that had been laying on the floor. "Iloverocksrocksaresoawesomedon'tyouloverocks..." etc.

"We need another round for the contest!" Colette quickly put in.

Yuan froze. "Contest? ... CONTESTIWANNABEINTHECONTESTWHATSTHECONTEST?!"

"It's the contest to find the Ultimate Hottie!" Colette smiled. "Wanna join?"

"NOOO!!" everyone shouted, but it was too late.

"SureyeahI'llbeinthecontestscontestsarefunfunfun!!"

"Uh... should he do an introduction?" Everyone but Colette whom had asked the question facefaulted.

"MynameisYuan!!YUANYUANYUAN--"

"We got it, you're Yuan!" Sheena shouted. "Now... he gets a zero."

Presea and Raine nodded in agreement, but Colette, being her ditzy, confused self, hadn't a clue.

"So, next round?" Sheena paused. "What does every guy need?..."

"A hot outfit!" Raine cheered.

"Oh no..." Lloyd groaned.

"We're going to grade you all on your clothes! Need we say--"

Yuan finally was silent. The room became silent with astoundment as he fainted.

"Uhh..."

"Never feed that animal sugar," Kratos said sadly. "He doesn't remember a thing when he wakes up."

"Animal?..." Presea looked to Kratos.

"Read the sign on his back."

"Oh..." and they all did as Yuan quickly came back to his senses.

"Uhhh..." He sat up and rubbed his head. "What?.... happened?..."

**Sorry, I couldn't keep going.... the chapter is really too long. Next time, I'll have the next round for sure. I had all that fun stuff, and it just delayed the contest!! n.n; But you gotta admit, Regal acting like an ape and mispelling Genis's name was funny. XD And I did sincerely start mispelling it. By the time I hit "Genas" I realized how dumb I was, but kept it there.**

**You probably realize that the narrating is a bit different this time. Do you like it better or worse? To get the quality back from the first chapter, I'd have to put it and script form and convert it to story just because I'm stupid like that. Also, please give me ideas on round ideas! The first two are so lame because I couldn't think of anything better. So puh-LEASE help me!!!**

**Oh, and with the long pauses between each tiny phrase when Sheena announced the winners... n.n; Ever go to a marching band competition? Ick... that is ANNOYING. I swear. XP Such tension. But I had to put it in there. **

**Ah! And I got more reviews as I wrote this! I'll answer these as well:**

**Dominus: YAY KRATOS! n.n**

**GirlyButTough: ....Um.... ::gives ducttape:: Will that help if you tape that over your mouth? o.o; n.n; thanks.**

**Sansouke.Cigara: There you go! Well... I guess you got a bit messed up. n.n; they have a tally of scores going for a while, until something different happens. But I'll keep that suggestion in mind there... Mweeheehee**

**sum1: Aw, but putting them all out of character is the funniest part!!! XD**

**Charlett-The-Druid: I WROTE MORE!! Wow, you people are demanding...;;**

**BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! I drove my friend Neko crazy today because I wouldn't shut-up.... .u.u. I felt really bad. Anyway, I'll try to write more! Ja ne, my peeps!**

**Yuan: Peeps?**

**Genki: Oh no, don't interrupt my good_bye... _::gives cookie::**

**Yuan: ::eats:: O.O! n.n!!! ILOVECOOKIESCOOKIESAREDELICIOUSANDFULLOFSUGARYGOODNESSDIDYOUKNOWTHATILOVECOOKIES--**

**Genki: ::closes ears as chapter is finished:: / . **


	3. Round 2! Really!

**Genki: O.O; Sheesh... u.u; So...demanding... Alright! First I'll start by commenting for my reviewers:**

**To ****sirhcnotili****h: Sorry Zelos... I would never get pissed at your long review! As you can probably tell, I tend to rant anyway... e.e; Thanks for another review! **

**To ****SamikoxRen****: I know Yuan sounds unlike himself... Poor Yuanyan... o.o! n.n That shall be his new nickname!!!**

**Yuan: SAY WHAT?!**

**Genki: Yuanyan!!! **

**Yuan: You little wench! Don't call me that!!**

**Kratos: Settle, would you?**

**Yuan: ::very angry::**

**Kratos: ::sighs::**

**To ****Icy Wings****: Whoops, don't get in trouble w/ your parents... n.n;;**

**Kratos: You shouldn't be one to talk... spending the last three nights up until midnight, and now it's 12:17 on Saturday.**

**Genki: Technically Sunday-- O.O!! WHEN'S INU YASHA ON?! ::logs on AOL to check:: Where the HELL is our TV guide... **

**To ****pandora505****: Okay, I'm going, I'm GOING!! n.n;**

**To cp: I didn't call him an animal, Kratos did!**

**Kratos: I didn't put that sign on his back...**

**Yuan: Someone called me an ANIMAL?!**

**Genki: .O.O. Inu Yasha isn't on Saturdays anymore!!!!!!! WAHHH!!!**

**Kratos: Answer the last review and just keep writing... while I still have LITTLE dignity left... ::snickers:: Unlike "Yuanyan" over here...**

**Yuan: I'LL KILL YOU!!! **

**Genki: O.O;;;;**

**To ****Luv2Game****: A lot of people seemed to like Yuan... maybe he shouldn't have gotten that zero...**

**Yuan: ... -.-; I hate you all**

**Genki: n.n;;;;;;;;;;;; hee**

**Kratos: Haha... **

**Genki: ... ::long pause:: Kratosy!**

**Yuan: .... ::gives sly look to Kratos::**

**Kratos: O.O;;; No...**

**Genki: I couldn't think of anything better. For now, you two are Kratosy and Yuanyan!!**

**Yuan: XD OMG!!! **

**Kratos: u.u;;;;;**

**Genki: Okay... loyal fans... ONTO THE FIC!!**

**Forgotten Disclaimer Munchkin: ::talks in squeaky voice:: Genki does not own Tales of Symphonia or it's characters. Or any other random things that are included in this chapter. ::bows:: Thank you.**

**The Quest For The Ultimate Hottie!! (edited/unscripted version)**

_**The Second Round!! REALLY!!!**_

_Last time..._

_"Animal?..." Presea looked to Kratos._

_"Read the sign on his back."_

_"Oh..." and they all did as Yuan quickly came back to his senses._

_"Uhhh..." He sat up and rubbed his head. "What?.... happened?..."_

"You went on another sugar high, Yuan..." Kratos sighed.

"What-- DAMN!!"

"Haha..." Kratos laughed viciously. (Can't... spell.... XP) "Oh, and you volunteered for our contest."

"............you're kidding................"

"Nope. Ask Colette. You asked her."

".....NOOOOO!!!!!!" Yuan fell to his knees, and was about to rip out his hair when he realized... his hair was too sexy to pull out! n.n

"...Like I was saying," Sheena continued, "you all need to pick out a hot outfit, and then wear it! Go!" Sheena pushed all four out the door, and some time passed by.

"But..." Genis started, "we just had a time change... or a flashback or something."

SHUT-UP! WE'LL DO A TIME CHANGE! Do you _want_ me to go into detail about the guys changing-- n.n! GREAT IDEA GENIS!

"..." Genis stared in the sky as Regal poked him.

"Genis....Genis?.... Genis?!"

First Zelos went into the Sage home, and found his bag of clothes. He unzipped the bag, and pulled out a very... small outfit. Then he took off his--

Kratos,Lloyd,Yuan,Genis: EWW!! DON'T!!!!

n.n ::heart heart:: But--

K,L,Y,G: That's DISGUISTING!!

It is NOT!! I'm sure sirhcnotilih would agree with me on this one...

Kratos: Just go back to the schoolhouse after we change...

Lloyd: Before we vomit...

Aw, alright. I hate you all. -.-

_After the four of them changed (::insert very dirty scene of Zelos, Kratos, Lloyd, and Yuan changing... n.n)_

"We're back!" Kratos cheerfully called, as he walked in, wearing his pretty white outfit and had his wings out.

"Ooh... angel!" Sheena squealed. (Sheena can SQUEAL?...)

A round applause came from the girls as Genis, and Regal, finally back to his senses, clapped awkwardly.

"And so am I..." Yuan came back, wearing (our) modern clothes, including a jean jacket and jeans, and a dark black shirt underneath. Several chains were around his jeans, and his hair was back as usual, except for the gel in his hair.

"Uhh..." the girls, along with Genis and Regal, clapped awkwardly. (In other words, he's hot in our modern time. ...I don't think they had that kind of style back then ;)

Zelos jumped in the schoolhouse, and surprised faces were shared around the room. "And the Great Zelos has returned!" Why were they surprised? Well, Zelos had decided to wear--

"A speedo... WHY?" Raine shielded her eyes.

Sheena blushed. "Um... ick."

"So you can see my manly beauty!" Zelos whipped his hair some.

"Hey, where's Lloyd?" Colette piped up.

"I'm NOT coming inside!" Lloyd cried outside.

Kratos, sighing, ran outside and tugged on Lloyd's arm. "Come on, son, you're coming inside!"

"NO! I REFUSE! I LOOK LIKE A DORK!!"

"You do not! You look handsome! Now COME ON!" Kratos, unfortunately, ended up sounding more like a mother.

"YOU LIE!!"

"IF YOU DON'T COME INSIDE RIGHT NOW, NO SUPPER FOR YOU!!" ...Yup. Kratos is now a mother.

Kratos: I AM NOT!

Genki: ::laughing insanely::

"No...supper?" Tears swelled in Lloyd's eyes. "Fine! I hate you!"

"That's what they all say," Kratos said, adding a smirk on the end.

Lloyd stomped his way inside. He was wearing the formal clothes from Meltokio. (I didn't say Mizuho this time!!! n.n)

"Aww..." the girls... awwed.

Genis covered his face, and beginning with a snort, he laughed insanely. Like a madman. Like... o.o;; No-- I...don't want to! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!

Kratos,Yuan: ::hold Genki:: YES YOU DO!!

Genki: ONE REVIEWER SUGGESTED IT! I WILL NOT!!

Kratos: You mentioned the idea yourself...

Genki: NO! I REFUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE!!!!

Yuan: ::sighs:: Think about the number of reviewers... ::grumbling:: especially fangirls.

Genki: ...Okay, fine.... -.-;

Kratos: Get back to your story!

Genki: ::grumbles something about rhinos::

...oh yeah!

Genis covered his face, and beginning with a snort, he laughed insanely. Like a madman. Like... ::insert rap music::

"I AM AGAIN ALIVE!" Mithos flew into the door, but then crashed into the wall opposing it. And flew into the wall again repititively. "Rap... music... sucks!"

Take that back! Or I'll take you back!

"...I LOVE RAP MUSIC!!" Mithos stopped banging into the wall and _cleverly_ breakdanced. If that's possible to cleverly breakdance.

Everyone, including Lloyd, clapped to the rhythm of the music. "Go Mithos! Go Mithos! Go Mithos!"

"THANK YOU LOYAL FANS!!" Mithos got up and bowed.

"What a minute... you're dead." Kratos stared at Mithos.

"Yes." Mithos stared back.

"You flew the coop."

"Yup."

"You kicked the bucket."

"That's right."

"You went to Heaven."

"No."

"Hell?"

"No."

"Where?"

"The light within, where I learned to breakdance to Country. But I guess that's Hell within itself."

"Indeed."

At this point, everything had turned into a soap opera.

"Lloyd, stop your father!" Colette called out dramatically.

"Father! You must stop this foolishness!" Lloyd said dramatically.

"Lloyd, there is something I need to tell you." Dramatic pause. "Mithos... is..."

"Yes? What is it?"

"Dead."

"OH MY GODDAMNED MARTEL!"

"Lloyd, I thought you were a Martelist!" Genis called out.

"I... don't know." Lloyd's eyes shimmered with tears.

"How could you abandon your own religion?!"

"I don't know!" Lloyd fell (dramatically) to the floor and sobbed, the camera angle facing directly from the ceiling, rotating slowly around Lloyd's figure. "I... don't... know... ::sobsob::"

"We have the scores for the last contest." Sheena walked out, holding a sheet of paper.

"You mean the outfits contest?" Regal said quietly.

"Indeed."

"How could you grade us without our consent?!" Zelos cried out (dramatically).

"We did. And... and..."

"What is it Sheena?"

"I... love..."

"How we added Mithos to our list."

"NO! YOU SLIMY BITCH! YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN ME!!" Zelos grew angrier. (dramatically!)

"No, please don't take it like that, Zelos!" Sheena sobbed very... fakely.

"Well, Presea, what are... the scores?"

Presea took the sheet of paper, dramatically. "The scores. Well, Mithos... is given 5 points for his entrance. And breakdancing."

"...wow..." Mithos whispered (dramatically.)

"And as for our outfits contest..."

Long dramatic pause. ... TomakealongstoryshorttheyalldiedTHEEND!

Everyone else: GENKI!!

Genki: ::laughs nervously:: I ruined the moment... XD FEAR ME!

Long dramatic pause.

"In fourth place is... Mithos... with... 8.5."

"No!" Mithos gasped. Then he ran outside. Dramatically, of course.

"In third place is... Yuan... with... 8.75."

"..." Yuan was already unconscious. ...I don't know when or why. JUST GO ALONG WITH ME HERE!!

"Tied for second place is... Kratos... with... 9."

"...well, I'm disappointed in myself. I shall now die while wallowing in pain of why I didn't win." Kratos sulked off dramatically.

"And also tied for second place is... Lloyd... with... ....." Really long dramatic pause. "9."

But Lloyd just laid there, sobbing.

"And... in first, for random reasons, is..."

Zelos held his hands together hopefully.

"This pencil." Presea held up a #2 yellow, pencil.

Zelos fell over and had a seizure. Somehow, he was not harmed. Or injured. Or dead...ed.

"Just kidding." Presea broke the pencil in half. "Zelos truly won."

And somehow, Zelos was cured of his seizure?... ::insert confused audience::

"With a score of... 9.1272418208052485160." (XD Look at that last decimal... ::good at math:: Oh my god... I didn't even try that-- ::ahem:: Sorry.)

"I... won?... SHEENA!" Zelos reached for Sheena's arms, and the soap opera faded and Sheena completely forgot about her increased dramatic feelings.

"I hate the world..." Zelos laid on the floor, sobbing.

Everyone returned to the room, seemingly unharmed by any other the soap opera events.

"Here's the scoreboard!" Colette cheerfully held up a scoreboard as it said so:

_First Place:_Kratos Aurion:109:**19 points**

_Second Place: _Zelos Wilder: 99.1272418208052485160:**18.1272418208052485160 points**

_Third Place: _Lloyd Irving: 89: **17 points**

_Fourth Place: _Mithos Yggdrasill: 58.5: **13.5 points**

_Fifth Place: _Yuan: 08.75monkey: **8.75 points and a monkey**

Yuan would have done something, but he was... ...there. Unconscious.

_I am in third... I must be in last!_ Lloyd thought. Well, duh. He's in third. So it must be Lloyd. _I must be LAST! ...I need a plan. Mwehehe... an EVIL plan... well, okay. Not evil. But a plan! A plan to be in last place!! AHAHAHAHAAA!_

...That's how my thought process works too. I guess. Since I wrote this.

"We need another round," Raine said. "Hmm... another round... what shall it be?..."

"For now, I'm gonna break dance!" Mithos exclaimed, and started to breakdance as rap music played, and everyone clapped along.

**Genki: Geez, that was a bad chapter... u.u;**

**Lloyd: It's fine... I guess. u.u;**

**Genki: I hope you people like that scoreboard too! It took me forever. Also, I have nothing against any of the characters in this story. And sorry I haven't added any more Dwarven vows yet. I need a place to put 'em.**

**And I took the suggestion to stick Mithos in there! So... um... there. BE HAPPY!**

**Kratos: Finish this quickly, would you? It's almost 12:30 in the morning... no wonder you got so sick today, or yesterday... whatever.**

**Genki: Hey, I couldn't help being in such incredible pain! XP I slept in the nurse's office for easily two hours XD;;**

**Anyway, I'll answer some reviews and go to bed. ::yawns:: The only reason I stayed up so late was to satisfy my reviewers.**

**To ****SiLeNtPzYcHo****: Oh, sorry... n.n; I don't think Regal's a hottie, not at that age. When he was younger, he was.... n.n; Hee, I didn't mean anything by the whole ape thing. It just added more humor to the story.  
  
To Rainbow Pheonix: That's good that you like that fanfiction! Actually, they weren't so great... but if you like yaoi, I have a Marth/Roy one-shot that I can send to you. Just go to my bio and get the email address. Don't send any mail to my Yahoo! address, PLEASE! **

**To Random Person: Oh, I didn't mean to avoid any ToS fanfiction cliche's... I just... write. o.o; n.n; eheh.**

**To ****Ryu Warrior****: Yes, cheese! n.n Oh, and I guess I did see Genis's name was Genius... I just didn't spell the English way correctly. Oh, and I took your Mithos suggestion... XD;**

**To ****Dominus****:YES! THINK OF CHEESE! Actually... ahaha... cheese is one of my oldest words/nouns used. Really, I overuse it. XD;;;;; Oh! And Kratos is in first, so...hah. Be happy. But not healthy. 'cause this kind of fanfiction CAN'T be healthy XD;;;;;;;;**

**To ****ToSfangirls12****: It's not necessarily the cookie that makes Yuan hyper. It's... the sugar in the cookie. **

**To dood: And Kratos is in first! Sorry I didn't take your pirate costume suggestion, I didn't do that sidequest yet... T-T Don't worry about endless reviews. I tend to do that.**

**To ****Sarah aka Celebi****: Whoa, hardcore Yuan fan here!! XD Go ahead and kidnap him all you want.**

**Yuan: What the hell?! NO!**

**Oh, and I took your nice little suggestion there! Thanks! Well... except the hat. XD;**

**To ****Luv2Game****: Seems to be everyone likes the hyper Yuan. Cookie, Yuan?**

**Yuan: Oh, goddess no. You already had me eat one and sing that song.**

**Genki: That I'm gonna post!**

**Yuan: 0.o;**

**Genki: It's titled, "Eat Some Cookies" or something close to it. Watch for it!**

**Oh, and I'm going to try to individually send emails to answer reviews. As you can see, the numbers are getting too large to post on each chapter e.e;**

**One last thing! I have nothing against Country, rap, or breakdancers. They're all cool. Soap operas... ::shudders:: That's a different story.**


	4. Round 3!

**Genki: 'ey everybody! Sorry the updating is a bit slow... I'm also working on "Lloyd's Sick!" and I've been a bit busy lately... greatest apologies!**

**Yes, I know... um, one reviewer agreed that I didn't do so well on Chapter 3. The original ideas I had got used up, so at the fast pace I'm trying to write this and the lack of ideas... well... yeah. **

**Lloyd: Then how about you slow down?**

**Genki: Everyone hates to wait for the new chapters, don't ya know?!**

**Lloyd: ::sighs:: You're hopeless.**

**Genki: Yes, I am! My death will come to me by either stupidity... or Neko's (marching band) hat box. o.o; I hurt myself thrice on that thing on one bus trip... **

**Lloyd: Look, how about you stop ranting and just update this?**

**Genki: O_kay..._ Can you just do my disclaimer quickly then?**

**Lloyd: Fine. Genki owns nothing because she's an annoying bitch.**

**Genki: Hey, isn't that what you said in "LS!" o.o;**

**Lloyd: It's true.**

**Genki: FINE! HERE!**

**The Quest For The Ultimate Hottie!! (edited/unscripted version)**

_**The Third Round?**_

After Mithos breakdanced, Sheena came up with a "wonderful" idea. "I think we should throw a big party!!"

"What?" Everyone stared at Sheena and blinked in unison as she continued.

"You heard me, a big party! With food and fun stuff and... stuff."

"Food?! Good idea!" Lloyd cheered. It had been the first time in a while that he had found something happy and/or incouraging.

"The next round will be this..." Raine started to think of off Sheena's idea. "You need to find food for the party. We'll split you into two teams. Your score will be based off of on how well you find food and what kind of things you buy. Zelos is rich, so he'll buy all of it."

"I will not!" Zelos protested. "That's MY money!! And I will not allow my hard earned money to be donated to this damnation of a contest!!"

"Dude... you didn't earn any of it." Sheena glared.

"Come on, Zelos!" Colette pleaded.

"Too bad I'm making him anyway. Or I'll strip you of the title of second place, or ANY place. Further more... I'll tell everybody about the time with the cucumber--"

"OKAY, OKAY!! I'LL DONATE THE STUPID MONEY!!" Zelos shouted, cutting off the sentence with "cucumber."

"Cucumber?..." Everyone looked at Zelos as he turned red.

"D-don't worry about it..." His eyes buldged slightly as everyone nodded slowly and looked away.

"Wait... how will we split the teams if there's five?" Regal asked Raine.

"Ah! I know! We can split somebody in half! 5 divided by 2 equals 2.5, ne?" Colette stated. Everyone looked at her like she was insane. "What?"

"Um... no..." Presea started to correct Colette, who unfortunately didn't grab any of the explanation.

"We'll just put the teams together by score." Raine put up a hand and pointed to each guy as she placed them into teams.

Genki: ::sneezes::

Kratos: Bless you.

Genki: Ick... thanks?

Kratos: Putting in that you sneezed was completely random.

Genki: That was the point.

"We'll put Kratos and Zelos on one team..."

Kratos and Zelos immediately looked at each other and sent a death glare.

"And we'll have Yuan, Mithos and Lloyd on the other!" Raine smiled. "You guys need team names!"

"We'll be da Milkshakes!" Mithos said.

Before Yuan and Lloyd could protest, Mithos started to sing.

"My milkshake brings all da boys to da yard, and dey're like, 'it's better dan yas...'"

(For those who just got mad at me, I like that song too. Really.)

"We'll be the Angels!" Kratos and Zelos said in unison, and they glared at each other.

Then an angry Mew popped up and started to kill everyone. (Or knock them out... I'm not sure what you call it when they're "dead" during battle). "Resurrect! Resurrect!! RESURRECT!!" Raine frantically called out as everyone continually was resurrected and deaded. I mean... killed. Err... knocked out? You get the point.

(Genki: Thanks to Kame for the Mew! ::pats::

Kame: ::whacks arm::

Genki: .0.o.)

THEN, Boots from Dora the Explorer popped up and started to frantically shout Spanish phrases.

"AHHH!! SPANISH!!" Everyone who had been previously resurrected had automatically died, except for Raine, because she could stand the awesome powers of such a fast pace language. (Pleasepleaseplease! For those who speak Spanish, I mean nothing by it! ::waves arms frantically:: I just stole a character from a English/Spanish child's show and I'm making fun of it! ...just to let you know.)

"¿Hola?..." Boots blinked at the deaded people.

"¡Hola! ¡Me llamo Bob! ­¿Como te llamas?"

"Your name is Bob?" Boots asked.

"Um... no." Raine blinked.

"That's what you said."

"Oops. Anyway, what do you want?"

"This is unfair! The teams should be equal!"

"Wanna join Kratos and Zelos?"

"¡Sí!" Boots ran to the deaded Kratos and Zelos as Raine slowly resurrected everyone, one person at a time.

"Ugh..." Kratos sat up and rubbed his head. Then Boots came into his vision. "ACK!! MONKEY!!!!!!!" Kratos fell over and was deaded once more.

"Monkey?..." Yuan looked at the monkey. "THE SCOREBOARD PREDICTS THE FUTURE!"

Boots took out a cookie and shoved it down Yuan's throat. "Cookie!" He cheered, and Yuan was in his hypermode again.

"From now on, we're going to call his condition: Angel Toxicosis," Raine said.

"...um, Raine, you used that term for Colette's sickness..." Lloyd said.

"Oops... how about we just say he turns into Yuanyan then?"

"Yay for the stupid name!" Genis laughed evilly and insanely.

Mithos also did an evil laugh for the hell of it.

Yuanyan started talking nonsense... as usual. "IwishIhadagiantsticksothatIcouldattractalldacutelittlepuppiesintheworld  
andthennamethemalljustlikeColettedidduringtheworldregenerationandIshall  
namethemnameslikePuddingRockieHalChibi..." (I kept spacing so that the chapter wouldn't extend out to nowhereland... o.o;)

"Erk..." Boots' eyes bulged out. "Is he... okay?"

"No." Kratos said straight forward. "He is quite ill."

"Sugarsugarmakesmehighnooneknowshoworwhy..."

Kratos sighed.

Lloyd got scared.

Genis suddenly got hungry for a pear.

And Spiderman swung through the school house. "Manly spider or spiderly man?!" He shouted as he made his exit.

Then everyone but Yuanyan ran out towards a grocery store.

"MynameisYuanbuteveryonealreadyrancausethecookiemademehigh!"

_At a store..._

"Why... are we... in front of Amish Stuff Etc.?" (I don't own a store that actually exists. o.o;)

"Oops..." Sheena laughed.

_At a different store..._

"Yey Darrenkamps!" Kratos did a little dance, and then Zelos followed along in beat. As they realized they had been dancing hand-in-hand, they stopped, let go, and death glared at each other. (I hope you people realize I've been making up words all through the chapter... o.o;)

Regal pulled out two different carts upon the girls' request and set them in front of the doors. Genis had a flag in hand, and the two teams took possession of their own carts.

"On three, you will go in the store and shop until... you get lotsa stuff!!" Raine laughed.

"On your mark..." Genis said blandly. "Get set. Go."

The two estatic teams (Lloyd was the only QFTUH!! contestant who wasn't happy) ran over Genis with the carts as they raced into the store.

In the entrance of the store, Boots stopped the Angels team, and started talking like he was on the show.

"So... what is our problem?"

"Erk... we need to get food for the party?" Zelos blinked.

"Okay! To make it through, we need the map!" Boots took out a talking backpack.

"Hiya kids, Ima backpack!" Backpack spilled out a bunch of stuff, including a baseball bat, a knife, a hammer, giant iron nails, a box of crayons, a chainsaw, and a map. "Which one of these is the map?"

Kratos and Zelos stared at the stuff silently. "This thing!" Kratos pointed to the box of crayons.

"NO! It's THIS!" Zelos pointed to the giant iron nails.

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

Kratos and Zelos started fighting like young children.

Boots took the real map and nodded. "Thanks Backpack!"

"No problem! Yumyumyumyumyum..." Backpack ate the other stuff he had spilled, but died from the sharp objects.

"Hiya kids, Ima a map!" Map said.

"How do we visit all the aisles needed for stuff?" Boots asked.

"Well, you go through all the aisles... dumbass." And the map hopped away.

"..." Boots was silent as Kratos and Zelos stuffed him in the cart and strolled down towards the deli aisle.

_Meanwhile... the Milkshakes..._

"How come we're frickin' milkshakes?" Lloyd grumbled while pushing the cart as Yuanyan started stuffing random things into it. Mithos didn't answer because he had blared rap music into his head with headphones.

"Fine." A voice started ringing through Lloyd's head.

_Hmm... to be in last... sorry "Milkshakes," I don't care enough to... care. _Lloyd took the cart and strolled it down the vegetable aisle.

"We need lettuce, tomato, carrots, celery..." Lloyd helped Yuanyan to stuff vegetables in the cart when Lloyd saw a giant bunch of...

"Cabbage? Who sells this much cabbage?" Lloyd poked one of the cabbages.

The cabbage was actually quite evil... the cabbage bloomed into a pudgy doll head, and the rest of the cabbage did the same. Then the leaves fell into the bin and a bunch of living Cabbage Patch Kids dolls popped out and started to growl.

"Uh oh..." Lloyd gulped.

"This looks bad!" Mithos ran, and Lloyd followed. Yuanyan sported on behind. (Sported means to frolic. My electronic dictionary told me so.)

_Back to the Angels..._

Zelos and Kratos decided to make a pit stop and looked at the hair products as Boots was staring a bunch of boxes.

"Can _you_ count how many boxes of Tampons there are here?" Boots asked one lady as she smacked Boots with a purse and stormed away. "One...two...three..."

"This gel is absolutely the best!" Kratos held up a bottle to Zelos. "It makes your hair stay how you want it, and it stays soft too!"

"Ah, and this hair spray is a miracle worker!" Zelos held out a hairspray bottle and explained to Kratos. "It doesn't take much to spray, and it doesn't smell too strong!"

"Wow, really?"

"That's right!"

A bunch of tampon boxes spilled on top of Boots as the sound of rumbling erupted.

"Eh?..." Kratos and Zelos threw hairproducts into the cart as they blinked. From the side, they saw Mithos and Lloyd run by, then Yuanyan, who was actually skipping away. Next was the giant army of Cabbage Patch Kids.

"He poked the cabbage, didn't he?" Kratos sighed. "Stupid Lloyd..."

_Down the racing... race for life..._

"HELP!!" Lloyd shouted.

Mithos stopped running and snapped his finger in the air. "Come, my pretties!" And out of nowhere, birds flew in and carried Mithos and Lloyd down the aisle. Sadly, Yuanyan had been left behind, still skipping.

"Yuan, take my hand!" Lloyd extended his hand out to Yuanyan from the flying "ship" of birds. Their fingertips barely touched... until Lloyd grabbed his hand and pulled him on.

"That was close..." Lloyd sighed. A rough turn was made, and Yuanyan flew off and crashed into a wall.

"NOOO!!" Lloyd screamed as Yuanyan was taken over by Cabbage Patch Kids.

"It's too late for him!" Mithos yelled.

They halted by the check-out aisle.

"Aw, too bad we don't have anything..." Lloyd shrugged. "Guess we lose."

"Guess again!" Mithos grabbed a cart with a sign: **A giant PERFECT party cart!**

"Damn it!" Lloyd groaned. Then he grinned, with an idea in mind...

_And back to the Angels..._

By this time, Kratos and Zelos had been chatting about beauty products as they reached the check-outs. Boots was unconscience in the cart... let's just say he told them to shut-up. o.o;

After their groceries had been paid for, Zelos and Kratos rolled the cart together (hand-in-hand... aw!) out of the store, as Lloyd and Mithos were standing outside with their cart.

"The girls left us here..." Lloyd groaned.

"Lean back... lean back... lean back..." Mithos sang.

"Umm..." Kratos and Zelos looked at each other as Boots came back to conscienceness and jumped out of the cart. "We did it! We did it!" Boots did a really weird dance and started singing in Spanish.

And everyone was knocked out due to the Spanish. Except for Mithos because he was too busy singing "Lean Back."

Then Boots ran away.

And Mithos stared at Zelos, Kratos and Lloyd, who were laying on the ground. Knocked out. Yuan hobbled out, extra chubby and short.

Mithos took off his headphones and stared at Yuan. "What happened to you?"

"The Cabbage Patch Kids got to me... of course THAT'S when I blanked out and came back to myself." Yuan held out his arm. "I'm a stupid, plastic, chubby doll now."

"Haha... I laugh at your pain." Mithos took Yuan's arm and broke it off. "I got your arm!"

"Hey! Give it back!" Yuan tried to attack Mithos, but ended up falling on the ground because his knees didn't move.

Mithos laughed an evil laugh. (Like the time he kicked whats-his-face... I can't remember who... when he was in front of Altessa's house and you find out Kratos is Lloyd's birth father, if you hadn't suspected it already. I think he was kicking Yuan, actually. o.o;)

**Genki: And that ends the chapter! FINALLY!**

**Lloyd: o.o;; Uhh...**

**Genki: I made it long to make up for the time I hadn't updated...**

**Lloyd: ::sighs::**

**Genki: Anyway, I just want to point out some things if I haven't already.... (I'm going to repeat some points.)**

**1. I really mean nothing by making fun of Mithos and his rap music lovin'. I like this kind of music... (well I shouldn't really say that... I like just about any music 0.o;)**

**2. I mean nothing against Spanish people, really! It was just something I made fun of to make the story funny. Please don't be offended... it's just when I hear Spanish, my head starts hurting because they talk so fast and I can't understand any of it... (three years of Spanish in middle school! e.e;)**

**3. I've only watched Dora the Explorer with Kame so we could make fun of every aspect of it. o.o;**

**4. What was anything else I was gonna say?... o.o; Oh yeah! nn**

**5. Darrenkamps and Amish Stuff Etc. exists. o.o; Darrenkamps is a store nearby me (about 15 minutes from where I live now) thats really big, and Amish Stuff Etc. is only ONE of the frickin' Amish stores. -.-; I live in a place filled with Amish. Great. ::groan::**

**6. The "my pretties" idea came from a dream of mine, of which I could call animals by calling them "my pretties!" Well, I could also jump really high (almost flying) and I was trying to save a kitten from my teachers. o.o;; Erk... yeah.**

**7. If you've read my song that Yuan sang, you'll get the short phrases towards the beginning of the chapter. Including Genis' hunger for a pear and Spiderman XD**

**8. I still haven't stuck in any more Dwarven Vows... -.-;**

**9. I redid the narrating so that I don't cut in so much and funk up the story as much. n.n; **

**10. Also, I did a quick doodle of Lloyd and Mithos riding the birds. o.o; Email me and I'll send it to you, but I'll warn you, it kinda sucks. n.n; (I did it quickly on the computer without much touchup and care of the design.) **

**Genki: Now I shall stop ranting and update!! Huzzah!!**


	5. Round 4!

**Genki: Sorry it's been so long... T-T but I finally wrote the next chapter! Updating for all stories will be slowed due to the fact I'm trying to write two Christmas stories (Shonen/Shojo ai version and perhaps a straight version) and I finally got the summaries typed on the compy. e.e;; I hope this chapter was worth the wait!**

**PS-The big long phrases of italics are lyrics XD; Oh, and I don't own the songs used in the contests, either.**

**The Quest For The Ultimate Hottie!!**

_**The Fourth Round!!**_

Yuan awoke to see that he was back to normal. Getting up, he rubbed his head. "Oh goddess, what happened?..."

"Yuan! You're awake!" Mithos poked him while smiling at him.

"Ack! Don't poke me..."

"I wanted to see if you still felt like plastic. You see, I would've checked before, but Raine threatened me that if I woke you, she'd pull me outta the contest. So now that you're awake, I can poke you!" Smile.

"...are you getting _mushy, _with me, Mithos?"

"Where would you get _that_ kind of thought?"

"Because...you're being..." Shudder. "Anyway... what happened?"

"Well, you conked out after falling on the ground, and soon the girls showed up and Raine resurrected the others and then we went to Meltokio, and she healed your... dolly problem." Snicker.

"That's not funny Mithos."

"Yes it is!"

"...aren't we dragging away from the original theme of the story?..."

"You're right! Let's get right to the point!" Mithos grabbed Yuan's head and started to make out with him, until Yuan pulled him away.

"Blech! What are you _doing?!"_

"Shonen-ai and yaoi is _definitely_ hot!"

"You're right, you're right..." _Save that for later... _Grabbing Yuan's arm, he forced him from the bed. "Come on, they're going to give us the scores!"

_Back in the living room of Zelos' house..._

Just as the two angels walked in, Sheena was announcing the scores. "The Angels came out with a score of... 12."

_"WHAT?!" _Kratos and Zelos looked at each other in shock, then looked at Sheena. "WHY?!"

"There were too many hair-styling products in the cart," Presea replied.

The two angels looked at each other. "I thought _you_ got the hair products!" Blink. "Oops..."

"While the Milkshakes came out with a score of 17!"

Lloyd scowled as the half-elves cheered. "Eh, wait a sec!" Silence entered as Lloyd raised his hand in the air. "We can't take this score."

"Why not?..." the professor questioned.

"Because we cheated." The swordsman pretended to be sad, hanging his head. "We took a 'Perfect Party Cart' and bought all that instead. We didn't truly win the contest."

The girls all huddled and then came out with a final decision.

"That just makes it all better!" Colette smiled.

"Eh?!" Lloyd's eyes bugged out.

"You didn't waste as much time! More time to go out on dates and stuff!" the summoner grinned. "We've readjusted your score to a _20!"_

"No...way..." Lloyd fainted on his feet, and then fell.

"Eep! My yaoi buddeh!" Zelos ran to him and caught Lloyd.

"Blech...eh?" The brunette opened his eyes to the redhead.

"Hello, hunny."

"Ack!! Get... off!!" He fidgeted until he was dropped. "Ow..."

"Anyway, for the next round, we're going to be throwing the party (which is why we had all the food). And you guys will be singing karaoke!!"

"Uhh..." Lloyd looked at Kratos. Then Kratos looked at Zelos. Then Zelos looked at Mithos. Then Mithos looked at Yuan. Then Yuan looked at Lloyd.

"The males seem surprised by this decision," Presea said.

"I shall sing my _beautiful_ song for you all!!" Zelos balled a fist and stood up.

"Beautiful? You're going to break windows..." Genis laughed.

"YOU TWERP!!" He chased him around the room. Over... and over... and over...

"Regal and Genis can set up the party since they're not participating!" The president looked at the girls as the half-elf stopped in his tracks. Missing him, Zelos kept running in the same, stupid circle.

"WHAT?!? I'M ONLY TWELVE!!"

"And... I'm... ::cough:: old."

"Old?! How does 33 apply for OLD?!?" Sheena shouted.

"Uh... you see... I'm not really human. I'm from this.... other race. Yeah, and uh, we die really fast. Really, really fast. Like, at 35."

"What's the name of this 'other race'?" Raine asked.

"Uh... the Bluehead Race. Yeah, you see, we have blue hair..."

"I see lots of guys with blue hair."

"Well, they hide it." The "Bluehead" came over and whispered. "You see, like half-elves, Blueheads are discriminated against too."

"Riiight..."

"Hey, Yuan!" Colette called out. Eyes bulging, Regal looked to the bluehaired angel. "Are you a Bluehead too?"

"What?" He saw Regal waving his arms and nodding his head.

"A... Bluehead?"

The summoner glared. "Liar."

"H-he just doesn't know!"

"Hm." Presea looked at Regal somewhat disappointed.

"Presea..."

"Okay, that's it!" Genis took a giant pole and guided everyone out. "We-- need-- to-- set-- up!!"

The door shut. The half-elf looked at Regal. "DON'T GO STEALING MEH WOMAN!!" Whacking Regal with the pole on the way, Genis went to fetch decorations.

_Meanwhile, outside..._

"I'll go invite people!" Zelos' chest suddenly lifted in arrogance (or something), and left in a little trot. (...yeah, don't even question what a "little trot" is.)

_And now, a commercial brought to you by the people who care about your hunger._

Lloyd: ::dressed in a chicken suit:: _WHY _did I agree to this?

Zelos: ::dressed in an Easter bunny suit:: ::smiles;hops to Lloyd:: Hey buddeh! Boy, are you making me hungry!

Lloyd: Where is this going?... HOW COME I DIDN'T GET A SCRIPT?!?

Zelos: But you're missing something!! ::pulls out chocolate syrup and starts pouring it on Lloyd:: Ah, _that's _better!!

Lloyd: Omigawddess! _What _are you doing?!

Zelos: There! Now you're tasty!! ::starts licking Lloyd's cheek::

Lloyd: ::extreme blushing:: _WHAT COMMERCIAL IS THIS?!?_

Announcer dude: It's just like on Easter... except the chicken is real. Chocolate Chicken: Buy it and eat it... today! We'renotresponsibleforanyupsetstomachsoranysicknesseswhatsoeverthatarecausedbecauseyoudecidedto

eatthis.

_Now, back to your regularly scheduled program..._

To make a long story short, the party was ready, and guests had been invited. Everyone sat in Zelos' living room, bored... for the moment.

_"When _will they get here?..." Genis whined.

"Soon, soon." Raine said.

And at that moment, a big flock of people came in, and everyone was lost in the sea of people.

"Zelos, how many people did you invite?!?" Sheena shouted.

"Um... a lot?"

"AHH!! HELP ME!!!" Genis "drowned" within the crowd.

He was lifted up by two strong hands and set down on someone's shoulders. "Gotcha!!"

"Regal?..." Genis' eyes shined. "Thanks..."

"No problem." (Aw... Regal and Genis moment! No, you pervs, don't even _think _it...)

A stage that had been set up (don't ask how, go along with me here...) was empty, and Kratos and Yuan flew up onto it.

"Okay everyone, settle down..."

"Kratos! You've got to be firm. Mean. Show 'em who's boss. _BE QUIET!!!"_

"Yes, that worked very well, Yuan."

"Shaddup."

The redhead flew up to them next. "All right everyone, time to quiet down..."

Silence.

"Shit, how'd _he _do it?..." the other angels groaned.

"Okay, now I believe the ladies have somethin' to say!" Zelos winked at them as Raine, Sheena, Presea and Colette walked onto the stage.

"For the next contest, these guys will be singing karaoke for you!!!" A big chorus of cheers (mostly comprised of girls) rang through the room. "Guys, come on up!!" The three angels already on the stage walked to the front of the stage, and then Mithos was forced to drag Lloyd onto the stage.

"No! Let me go! _LET GOO!!"_

The girls squealed in delight. Then there came a small group of girls: "LLOYD IRVING'S HOTT!!" (::suddenly reminded of band competitions::)

Lloyd's face started to camouflage with his shirt as Kratos laughed and patted his shoulder.

Raine pulled out a microphone. "You other guys can leave... except Yuan!" And they left (except for Yuan) and they immediately aimed towards the tables with food.

"You're singing before you get hyper... and you're in last place anyway!! Yuan will be singing _Clint Eastwood _by Gorillaz!!" Girls cheered as Yuan took the microphone and Raine said something like "hit it!" as she walked off stage. Music began to play.

_"I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad  
I got sunshine, in a bag  
I'm useless, but not for long  
The future is coming on  
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad  
I got sunshine, in a bag  
I'm useless, but not for long  
The future is coming on  
It's coming on  
It's coming on  
It's coming on _

_Yeah... Ha Ha!  
Finally someone let me out of my cage  
Now, time for me is nothing cos I'm counting no age  
Now I couldn't be there  
Now you shouldn't be scared  
I'm good at repairs  
And I'm under each snare  
Intangible  
Bet you didn't think so I command you to  
Panoramic view  
Look I'll make it all manageable  
Pick and choose  
Sit and lose  
All you different crews  
Chicks and dudes  
Who you think is really kickin' tunes?  
Picture you gettin' down in a picture tube  
Like you lit the fuse  
You think it's fictional  
Mystical? Maybe  
Spiritual  
Hearable  
What appears in you is a clearer view cos you're too crazy  
Lifeless  
To know the definition for what life is  
Priceless  
For you because I put you on the hype shit  
You like it?  
Gunsmokin' righteous with one token  
Psychic among those  
Possess you with one go _

_I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad  
I got sunshine, in a bag  
I'm useless, but not for long  
The future is coming on  
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad  
I got sunshine, in a bag  
I'm useless, but not for long  
The future is coming on  
It's coming on  
It's coming on  
It's coming on _

_The essence the basics  
Without it you make it  
Allow me to make this  
Childlike in nature  
Rhythm  
You have it or you don't that's a fallacy  
I'm in them  
Every sprouting tree  
Every child apiece  
Every cloud you see  
You see with your eyes  
I see destruction and demise  
Corruption in disguise  
From this fu-::bleep:: enterprise  
Now I'm sucking to your lies  
Through Russ, though not his muscles but the percussion he provides  
with me as a guide  
But y'all can see me now cos you don't see with your eye  
You perceive with your mind  
That's the inner  
So I'm gonna stick around with Russ and be a mentor  
Bust a few rhymes so mother fu-::bleep::  
Remember where the thought is  
I brought all this  
So you can survive when law is lawless  
Feelings, sensations that you thought were dead  
No squealing, remember  
(that it's all in your head)  
__  
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad  
I got sunshine, in a bag  
I'm useless, but not for long  
The future is coming on  
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad  
I got sunshine, in a bag  
I'm useless, but not for long  
My future is coming on  
It's coming on  
It's coming on  
It's coming on  
It's coming on  
_

My future is coming on  
It's coming on  
It's coming on  
My future" (1)

Applause rang through as Yuan gave the microphone to Sheena.

"Let's give him another hand!!"

The applause got louder, and a bloody hand was tossed on stage.

The angel twitched and ran off somewhere else.

"Well, that's the last time I say _that..." _Kicking the hand away, the summoner summoned the next one. "Mithos, get your ass over here, your turn!!"

"All right!!" He flew over and grabbed the microphone. "This one is _Lose Yourself _by Eminem! Hit it, ladies!"

_"Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity  
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment  
Would you capture it or just let it slip? _

_Yo, His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy  
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti  
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready  
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting  
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud  
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out  
He's chokin, how everybody's chokin now  
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!  
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity  
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked  
He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy  
No, he won't have it, he knows his whole back city's ropes  
It don't matter, he's dope  
He knows that, but he's broke  
He's so stacked that he knows  
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's  
Back to the lab again yo  
This whole rap city  
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him_

_You better lose yourself in the music, the moment  
You own it, you better never let it go  
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow  
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo,_

_You better lose yourself in the music, the moment  
You own it, you better never let it go  
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow  
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you better,_

_His soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping  
This world is mine for the taking  
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order  
A normal life is borin, but superstardom's close to post mortom  
It only grows harder, only grows hotter  
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him  
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotter  
Lonely roads, God only knows  
He's grown farther from home, he's no father  
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter  
But hold your nose cause here goes the cold water  
These ho's don't want him no mo, he's cold product  
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows  
He nose dove and sold nada  
So the soap opera is told and unfolds  
I suppose it's old partner, but the beat goes on  
Da da dum da dum da da_

_You better lose yourself in the music, the moment  
You own it, you better never let it go  
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow  
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo _

_You better lose yourself in the music, the moment  
You own it, you better never let it go  
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow  
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo, you better_

_No more games, I'ma change what you call rage  
Tear this mothafu-bleep roof off like two dogs caged  
I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed  
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage  
But I kept rhymin and stepwritin the next cypher  
Best believe somebody's payin the pied piper  
All the pain inside amplified by the fact  
That I can't get by with my 9 to 5  
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family  
Cause man, these goddamn food stamps don't buy diapers  
And it's no movie, there's no Makai Pfeiffer, this is my life  
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder  
Tryin to feed and water my seed, plus  
Teeter-totter caught up between trying to be a father and a pre-madonna  
Baby mama drama's screamin on and  
Too much for me to wanna  
Stay in one spot, another jam or not  
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail  
I've got to formulate a plot or I end up in jail or shot  
Success is my only mothafu-::bleep:: option, failure's not  
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go  
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot  
So here I go is my shot.  
Feet fail me not or not this may be the only opportunity that I got_

_You better lose yourself in the music, the moment  
You own it, you better never let it go  
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow  
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo _

_You better lose yourself in the music, the moment  
You own it, you better never let it go  
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow  
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you better,_

_You can do anything you set your mind to, man"_

Once again, there was nothing heard but girls screaming.

Stealing the microphone, Colette took the microphone. "Umm... what was I supposed to say?"

The other girls fell over. _"Let's give another round of applause to Mithos!"_

"Oh yeah! Let's give another round of applause to Mithos!"

Everybody started clapping their hands in circles.

"Goddess, this is just getting stupid..." Raine sighed.

Mithos flew away. "Um, our next contestant is Zelos... Zelos?... Where are you?..."

_At the food table..._

"Hey, what's this?" Lloyd picked up a bottle. "Hm, maybe it's soda or something?" He took off the cork and took a sip. "Eh, it's okay... might as well finish it off though..."

"Zelos, that's quite disturbing, could you do that sometime else?..." Yuan shielded his eyes as Zelos was making out with a younger boy.

Reluctantly, Zelos pulled away from him. "Sorry, hunny."

"That's okay!"

"Look, it's a free country!"

"...no, it's not. You're thinking of a legend called 'America'..."

"Well, damn you!" Zelos was about to go back to the liplock when Kratos came in.

"It's your turn for karaoke, Zelos."

Cursing quite loudly, Zelos gave the boy a final peck. "We'll finish up later tonight, okay, Toboe?" He winked to suggest something.

"Okay! I'll be waiting!" Toboe cried as Zelos flew to the stage. (2)

"Zelos will be singing _Baby One More Time_, the Bowling for Soup version!" (3)

"Hah, and it'll be good, don't you worry!" Zelos winked and took the microphone. Unfortunately, he hadn't warmed up yet (4), and fortunately, Genis was standing closeby. (A/N: Think _Freaky Friday _XD Oh, and if you're one of those people who skip over lyrics, watch carefully between these.)

_"Show me  
__How ju want it to be  
__Tell me baby  
__'cause I need to know, now,  
__OH because!!  
__My loneliness is killing me  
__A-a-and I..." _

Genis couldn't take it anymore and approached the stage slowly with kendama in hand.

_"I must confess  
__I still believe, sti-ill believe!  
__If I'm not with you I lose my mind  
__Give me a siiiiiiiign!  
__Hit me babe- OOF!!"_

Zelos fell to the stage. "You asked for it." Genis laughed as he ran to hide.

"YOU BRAT!!" Zelos automatically recovered. "I'll sing my song and then go chase after him!!" There must have been some spell casted on him, because his voice suddenly got better...

_"Oh baby baby  
__How was I supposed to know  
__That something wasn't right here _

_Oh baby baby  
__I shouldn't have let you go  
__And now you're out of sight, yeah  
__Show me how you want it to be  
__Tell me baby cause I need to know now_

_Because...  
__My loneliness is killing me  
__And I, I must confess I still believe  
__When I'm not with you I lose my mind  
__Give me a sign  
__Hit me baby one more time_

_Oh baby baby  
__The reason I breathe is you  
__And girl you've got me blinded  
_

_Oh pretty baby  
__There's nothing that I would do  
__It's not the way I planned it  
__Show me how you want it to be  
__Tell me baby cause I need to know now _

_OH because...  
__My loneliness is killing me  
__And I, I must confess I still believe, still believe  
__When I'm not with you I lose my mind  
__Give me a sign  
__Hit me baby one more time_

_Oh baby baby  
__How was I supposed to know  
__(How was I supposed to know)_

_Oh pretty baby  
__I shouldn't have let you go_

_And I must confess  
__that my loneliness is killing me now  
__Don't you know I still believe?  
__That you will be here  
__and give me a sign  
__Hit me baby one more time_

_My loneliness is killing me  
__And I, I must confess I still believe, still believe  
__When I'm not with you I lose my mind  
__Give me a sign  
__Hit me baby one more time"_

Zelos bowed as the girls got so loud that nothing in Meltokio was heard but screaming girls. Old men and women had to cover their ears from dying, small children hid in their closets, and adults all went to the nut house.

But that _really_ doesn't have to do with _QFTUH!!..._

Much.

Presea took the liberty of taking the microphone. "Thank you Zelos. Give it up one more time for Zelos..." Everyone stopped cheering and all said that they gave up. Then Zelos ran to find the little half-elf.

_"I'll get you, and your little Kendama too!! AHAHAHAHAA!!!"_

"This... is _really _lame..." the summoner said. (she was commenting on the audience's reaction.)

"Next up is Kratos." Kratos flew to the stage (I think everyone knows how to fly... o.o; Oh YEAH, they all happen to be angels... O.O; I just noticed that...) and took the microphone.

"Thank you PRESEAAAAA!! I will be singin' _Dude _by Aerosmith, dedicated to Mithos and Zelos!!" (5)

_That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady _

_Cruise into a bar on the shore  
Her picture graced the grime on the door  
She's a long lost love at first bite  
Baby maybe you're wrong but you know it's all right  
That's right _

_That, that  
That, that _

_Backstage we're havin' the time  
of our live until somebody say  
Forgive me if I seem out of line  
Then she whipped out her gun and tried to blow me away! _

_That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
_

_Never judge a book by it's cover  
or who you gonna love by your lover  
Sayin' love put me wise to her love in disguise  
She had the body of a Venus, Lord imagine my surprise. _

_That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady _

So baby let me follow you down (let me take a peek dear)  
Baby let me follow you down (do me, do me, do me all night)  
Baby let me follow you down (turn the other cheek dear)  
Baby let me follow you down (do me, do me, do me, do me)

_Oo, what a funky lady  
Oo, she like it, like it, like it, like that.  
Oo he was a lady!  
_

_That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
_

_That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady  
That, that dude looks like a lady _

_Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady  
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady  
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady  
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady"  
_

It was a good thing only Mithos heard the song, because he was _not _happy...

_I WILL get you Kratos. That is a... uhh... what are those things called again? **Ah, I believe it's called a cheesecake... **It is NOT! **It's called sarcasm... **...Shoot, my mind split again... **You got THAT right, you bastard! Now, get 'im!!**_

And Mithos continued to fight off the voice in his mind.

Giving back the microphone, Kratos went to fetch Lloyd... who was leaning against the wall, hiccuping over and over.

"What's _wrong _with you?..."

"That soda ::hic:: was taaasty! ::hic::"

"Soda?..." He saw the empty beer bottles. "Uh, Lloyd... that's not soda..."

"Still ::hic:: tasty!"

"Damn it, you can't sing with the hiccups!!" Lloyd was incapable of stopping himself, so Kratos took the liberty of doing it himself...

"INCEST!!" People cried.

"What?!? I'm just getting rid of the hiccups so he can sing!" (6)

"INCEST!! INCEST!! INCEST!!" People pointed at Kratos and kept saying "incest" over and over... (well, that excludes the girls who _drooled _with saying incest...) One man shouted, "MY EYES!" (7)

Picking him up, Kratos flew back to the stage with Lloyd. "Here..." He set down Lloyd and left the stage.

"Uhh... yes... Lloyd will be singing _The Art of Losing _by American Hi-Fi."

Lloyd _usually_ sang really, really bad. But the effect of alcohol caused him to sing really, really _well..._

_"Last call now I'm outta time  
And I don't got no valentine  
Singled out, now I stand alone  
The underdog in a modern world  
Suburbia is hot tonight  
But nothing seems to feel alright  
I don't want your sympathy  
I just need a little therapy  
At least that's what they say to me  
_

_Hey ho let's go  
I'm gonna start a riot  
You don't wanna fight it  
One two fu-::bleep:: you  
Don't tell me what to do  
I don't wanna be like you  
Can't you see it's killing me  
I'm my own worst enemy  
Knock me down I'll keep on moving  
It's the art of losing _

_Fit the mold and do what you're told  
Get a job and start growing old  
9 to 5 can make your dreams come true  
But I don't wanna be like you  
I'm not cool and I'll never be  
I break the rules and I guarantee  
I don't want your sympathy  
I just need a little therapy  
At least that's what they say to me _

_Hey ho let's go  
I'm gonna start a riot  
You don't wanna fight it  
One two fu-::bleep:: you  
Don't tell me what to do  
I don't wanna be like you  
Can't you see it's killing me  
I'm my own worst enemy  
Knock me down I'll keep on moving  
It's the art of losing _

_You call me a loser  
Say I'm just a user  
But I'll just keep on moving  
Cause that's the art of losing _

_Hey ho let's go  
I'm gonna start a riot  
You don't wanna fight it  
One two fu-::bleep:: you  
Don't tell me what to do  
I don't wanna be like you  
Can't you see it's killing me  
I'm my own worst enemy  
Knock me down I'll keep on moving  
It's the art of losing _

_Wahhhooo (It's the art of losing)  
Wahhhooo (It's the art of losing) _

_We're the kids  
We're the kids  
We're the kids in America  
We're the kids  
We're the kids  
We're the kids in America"  
_

Taking back the microphone, Raine shouted, "Everyone, one more shout for Lloyd!" There was one shout, and silence.

_"Goddess, _you people are _morons!!" _Shaking her head, she got her act back together. (8) "That ends the contest! Now, all of you vote!! Who sang the best? Yuan? Mithos? Zelos? Kratos? Or Lloyd? Only you can choose!" And a final applause came as this chapter ended.

**A/N: Numbers first. o.o;**

**(1) I noticed these lyrics were different than other ones I saw. Lemme know if they're wrong. Actually, that goes for all lyrics... e.e;;**

**(2) I'm sorry for those of you who didn't like that with Toboe... I told Toboe-san I'd put him in there, and I kept to my word...**

**(3) It's originally by Britney Spears, but on the _Freaky Friday _soundtrack, it's redone a _little _bit different by Bowling for Soup.**

**(4) Or so he said... -.-; I think he just can't sing...**

**Zelos: Hey! TooT (That's a face with two hands in the middle... not "toot") That's not very nice...**

**I picked this one mainly because the guy singing it in _Freaky Friday _sounded JUST like Zelos. O.O;;**

**(5) I've _never _heard this song... u.u; It was a suggestion from Hitokiri the Battosai (Thanks for your suggestions, too! They _really _helped!) **

**(6) HURRAH EERIE QUEERIE!!!! X3 Get it, you shonen-ai fans!! ::takes Yui's copies and hides them where she'll never find them::**

**(7) I stoled it from the Spongebob Movie XD When King Neptune takes the paper bag off his head, everybody in the Krusty Krab shouts, "BALD!" and one man screams, "MY EYES!" as his eyes fry. Such a funny movie... I'm a goofy goober, yeah!**

**(8) Get it? Her act back together, and she's on a stage?... Hahahaha??... -.-;**

**Now I can get working on my Christmas stories, and hopefully Lloyd's Sick! Sometime too. Ah, but did you know that _QFTUH!! _can actually be said as a word? It's... _(Kwif-tah) _XD I say it like that _all_ the time.**

**If any lyrics were wrong, please email me or say so in the review. I will _not _take any votes. Okay? Raine was only telling the people (girls) in the story.**

**See ya soon, everyone! **


	6. Round 5 and awards!

**A/N: I'm sorry it took a while to update!! T-T I was working on other inspired works and Lloyd's Sick!, but now I can update this!! Um, because I said so. o.o;**

**And because I feel like it, the disclaimer shall return! Oh, Kratos!**

**Kratos: You call me by my real name, I respond.**

**Genki: You respond whether or _not _I use your real name. ::snicker:: Anyway, do the disclaimer!**

**Kratos: Why me?**

**Genki: _Do it, or. . . _::holds up _Nuclear Medicine Technology: Procedures and Quick Reference _by Pete Shackett:: I'll use my mom's school books against you!!**

**Kratos: . . . Uh. . . Genki doesn't own Tales of Symphonia, and any of its characters. Or the characters from another game that she uses in this chapter. She doesn't own the book she's threatening me with either. It's her mother's. Good enough?**

**Genki: Yup! ::puts down book:: If you're wondering, my mom went back to school for an edumacation, and she's still in school. XD**

**The Quest For The Ultimate Hottie!! (edited/unscripted version)**

_**The Fifth Round!!**_

After a long period of time between people (girls) voting, Lloyd collapsing on stage from getting drunk, and Yuan being guided away from sugar, votes were finally in.

"Thank you guys for voting." Regal said dully. He had been forced upon the other girls to announce the results, or. . . **_MAKE-OVER!!! _**::cue scary music, shrieks, and a snail::

"The results are in. The points will be given according to the placement of votes. In fourth place is. . .

"Mithos."

"Huh?!" Mithos shouted. "No one liked my rappin' skills?!" Everyone around him inched away. "Damn you all!"

"There's someone _below _you Mithos," one person commented.

"Shut-up, mortal!" That brave soul was blasted away. It was silent until Regal spoke up again.

"In third place is. . .

"Kratos."

"Haha, I scored higher than Mithos!!" he bellowed.

"But, there's two higher than you. . ." Raine commented.

_"So? _I kicked Mithos' ass, and that's all that counts!"

"In second place is. . .

"Yuan."

Yuan stood there, silent, as cheering got louder. "Uh, okay."

"And in first. . . is. . ."

Insert long pause.

"Zelos."

"Whoohoo! My hunnies love me!" He had Genis in a headlock, but he let go and kicked him. The half-elf, _not _happy at _all, _attached himself to his leg and started to bite.

"Ow, you twerp! Get off!! OUCH!! _Stop-it!"_

"Which leaves Lloyd in last."

But Lloyd was still unconscious, and couldn't respond.

"With the points added on, the results as shown on the screen."

He pointed to a giant screen as a score board popped up.

_First Place:_Lloyd Irving: 8(plus)9(plus)20(plus)10 **47 points  
**_Second Place: _Mithos Yggdrasill: 5(plus)8.5(plus)20(plus)11 **44.5 points  
**_Third Place: _Zelos Wilder: 9(plus)9.1272418208052485160(plus)12(plus)14 **44.1272418208052485160 points  
**_Fourth Place: _Kratos Aurion: 10(plus)9(plus)12(plus)12 **43 points  
**_Fifth Place: _Yuan: 08.75(plus)monkey(plus)20(plus)13 **41.75 pointsand a monkey**

"Thank you, and see you later. Yeah, right!" He tossed the microphone caught by Kratos, and ran away. "You'll never catch me! AHAHAHAHAA!!"

Raine took the microphone from Kratos. "For our last contest--"

"The last?!" Kratos sobbed.

"Yes. . . " Raine sighed. "It's such a sad thing-- Anyway! Our last contest is. . . .

"PIE EATING CONTEST!!"

"That's so unoriginal," Yuan groaned.

. . . Oh darn!! ::pulls out remote and pushes rewind::

"testnocgnitaeeipsitsetnoctsalruo. . ."

::pushes play::

"Our last contest is. . .

"Oyster pudding eating contest!"

"Ew, oyster pudding?!" Kratos blanched. "Yuan, keep your mouth shut! Now we have to eat oyster pudding instead of delicious pie!"

"I'll have to open it to kick your ass!"

"I can eat anything!" Mithos shouted.

"I heard food." Lloyd now sat up, eyes wide. _"Foooood. . ."_

"Yes, that's a good monster, AHAHAHAH!!" Kratos hugged his son. "My little creation. . . _is complete!"_

_"Fooooooooood. . ."_

"Can we just start before the authoress-- starts eating," Mithos groaned.

What?! Can't I _eat?! _I'm hungry! Mm. . . potato roll! Sorry, I'll keep writing. . . -.-;

_A few minutes later. . ._

_"Fooooooooood. . . " _Lloyd stared at the food in front of him.

"All right, when I say "Go," start eating! on your mark, get set. . . LEAF! You can't eat, I didn't say it! Ready, set. . . ROCK! Ready, set, GO!!"

And the eating began. Lloyd quickly gobbled up the pudding in a flash. Kratos and Zelos were trying their best to eat the pudding, but it was icky. Meanwhile, Yuan and Mithos were glaring at each other, slowly eating the pudding.

_Bad _idea, might I add.

Kratos soon finished, followed by Zelos. After a long while, Yuan ate the rest. Mithos gave up. The pudding was too disgusting.

"I thought you said you could eat _anything," _Yuan snickered.

"Hmph, shut-up." Mithos glared.

"So, Lloyd's in first, Kratos in second, Zelos in third, Yuan in fourth, and Mithos in fifth!" Sheena ran off to add up final scores.

"WHAT-- Th-that was a _contest?!" _Lloyd shouted.

"Yes, my son, and you won well. Tell me, how did you stand its awesome powers like that?"

"My dad, Dirk, used to make it all the time." He blanched.

"Well, now what?" Yuan crossed his legs and clapsed his hands together.

"Say hello to my bunny!" Mithos pulled out a white rabbit. "His name is Carl!"

". . . Get that animal away from the table."

"He's no animal! He's polite and civilized!" Carl's red eyes glared at Yuan, and Yuan glared back. "Yuan, you're scaring Carl!" As he took the rabbit into his arms, Colette walked over.

"Aw, a bunny! Can I pet him?"

"Of course!"

Colette reached out to pet the bunny when it bit her hand off. She shrieked in pain and horror as blood splurted everywhere.

"Oh, shit! Not again!"

_"Again?" _Everyone glared at him.

"Uh, gotta go!" Mithos flew out, never to be seen again.

Carl rampaged around the room. Shrieks were everywhere, so loud that the children still hiding in the closets screamed in terror, the old men and women couldn't cover their ears well enough and all died (even if they were deaf), and the people running the nut house went nuts themselves.

"My hand!" Colette shrieked. Raine came running with the hand thrown on stage from the last chapter, and somehow repaired the damage. The hand fit like a sock on a foot. Perfect.

"Thanks Professor!"

"No problem!"

"How do we stop this killer bunny?!" Lloyd shouted.

"The name's _Carl. . ." _Carl snarled.

"Yeah, yeah. Carl. But we don't have any of our weapons!"

"Dwarven vow #1304: Killer bunnies should only cause chaos in jungles!" A 14-year-old girl shouted, bursting in the door. "AKA: You shouldn't keep them as pets!" The girl who entered had brown hair with blonde highlights at about a medium length. She was about 5' 5" last time she checked, and she was wearing a safari outfit.

"Oh no, not you!" Sheena shouted.

"You know that hunny?" Zelos turned to Sheena.

"She threatened me to start this whole thing!"

"Say _what?!" _The guys turned to stare again at the girl.

"The name's Genki!" She gave a spin and a cheer. "Now it's time to put this Dwarven vow into effect!" She ran after Carl, quickly catching it by threatening it with _Pyschology, Themes and Variations: Fifth Edition (Briefer Version) _by Wayne Weitin. Now in a cage, Carl was taken by Genki.

"She's gone," Sheena sighed, relieved.

But she quickly returned. "I have the final scores! In last place, with a final of score--"

"Hey, how'd _you _get the scores?" Lloyd asked, followed quickly by Raine in hysterics.

_"Where's the scores?!" _

"Right here, Raine! I got 'em!"

"You. . . know my name?"

"Of course I do! And same with all of you! Anyway, in last--"

"How do you know?" Genis asked, curious.

". . ." She wasn't sure how to respond. "Just. . . let it go. In la--"

"Are you a minion of Mithos'?" Lloyd questioned.

_"NO! SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I POUND BOOKS ABOUT NUCLEAR MEDICINE TECHNOLOGY IN YOUR HEADS!!"_

Even though they had no clue what nuclear medicine was, they were afraid and were quiet. So was the rest of the room.

Hastily grabbing a microphone, her loud voice got louder. "In fourth place, with final a score of 45.75 is. . . Yuan, uh. . . I can't read the last name, it's smudged. . ."

Seeming bored, he walked up to Genki. "So, what'd I win?"

"This $20 certificate to the sugar factory!" Genki handed the cerificate to Yuan.

"The sugar factory?"

"The sweetest place on-- oops! That's Hershey." She smiled as she giggled. "It's a big candy factory."

"Uh oh. . ." Everyone stared at each other in horror.

"In third place, with a final score of 51.127 . . . I'm not reading all these damn decimals!! It's Zelos Wilder!"

**_"THIRD?!"_** His mouth gaped open.

"You win a free trip to the spa!" Genki handed another certificate to Zelos.

"Uh, thanks hunny!"

"Sure, anytime for the winners! In second place, with a score of 52 is. . . Kratos Aurion!"

"Dammit! Second! Well, what'd I win?"

"This _brand NEW **CAR!" **_The Spiderman midget from the second chapter drove a shiny purple and green car in. "The Grasshopper Man mobile!"

(Kratos: Of _course. . . _You just _had _to put in Grasshopper Man, didn't you?

Genki: DUH!

Kratos: You are a--)

"Hm, can we call it the Kratos Speedy Car instead?"

"Um, sure. . ."

"PEDESTRIAN BOWLING!!" He jumped in the car and drove in circles in the room, running random pedestrians over.

"So, that leaves us with first and last place! In first place, winning the grand title of **The Ultimate Hottie!!, **with a final score of 57 is . . ."

There was a long pause.

"Lloyd Irving!!" A somewhat loud applause came from whoever hadn't been bowled over yet, as Lloyd stood there, appalled.

"I. . . won?"

Leaping out of the car, Kratos glomped his son. "I knew you'd make me proud!"

"But-- but. . . I wasn't supposed to-- **_NOOOOOO!! DAMN THAT PUDDING!!"_**

Genki laughed hysterically. "Lloyd, not only have you won the grand title of being **The Ultimate Hottie!!, **but you also won a week's vacation to Santa Claus' Yellow Submarine in the North Pole and a year's supply of liver and Dwarven Vows!"

"Santa has a Yellow Submarine?" Presea stared at Genki as she nodded.

"Duh! If the North Pole's underwater, how does he make the toys? Oh, we all live in a Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine!" Genki sang as the others closed their ears.

"That's not very nice!" She pulled out a book, and they all became stiff.

"And Mithos Yggdrasill wins last, and wins a keychain! Mithos? Mithos! Come claim your keychain! . . .Fine then, jerk!" Genki poked the keychain back into her pocket.

"So, that's it? The contest is over?" Colette asked.

"Um, yeah," Genki responded.

_"Let's all celebrate with cookies!!" _Cookies flew in through the doors and windows. _**"Nutritional **cookies!!"_

Everyone shrieked with joy as Raine looked through the door. "Who--"

"Oh, no!!" Genki cowered. "No more videos!! _Or goats!"_

"I'm Mr. Fluffykins!" An old guy with a gray wig entered the room.

"Get away from me, you freakin' loser!" Genki cowered. Screams of horror rang through the room, because not only were the cookies nutritional, but they were disgusting.

"These cookies suck!" Lloyd shouted.

"That's not very nice," Mr. Fluffykins lectured. "It's 'I don't like these cookies very much.'"

"I don't like your face very much!"

"Wah! Somebody help!"

Another girl bursted in. "Dwarven vow #594: Nutritional cookies suck, and the maker of them must die!" The girl, Genis' age, had medium brown hair, about shoulder length. She was hyper on the soda she had just drank, but that's not really important.

"Kame! Thank goddess you're here!" Genki's eyes went sparkly. "Stop this freak!"

"You know her too?" Genis blinked.

"No, of _course _I don't know her, she's just my _little sister!" _

"Duh, you know me!"

"Guh, nevermind! Did you bring them?"

"Yes, the goats are here." Suddenly, a teenage boy with a tiara taming his blue hair and a legion of goats busted through the wall. The boy got up from all fours and shouted with a pointed finger towards Mr. Fluffykins.

"Get him, my goat legion!" And the goats attacked, driving Mr. Fluffykins away.

"Thank you, Kame!" Genki hugged her sister.

_"Martha!" _Another boy came in, with flaming red hair.

"It's Marth!"

"Get your butt back home!" He tugged on his ear and dragged him away.

"Hey! Ow, cut it out Roy!"

And they were gone.

"What the ::bleep:: was that?" Yuan said.

"Mr. Fluffykins." Genki shuddered.

Kratos jumped back into the Kratos Speedy Car and went back to bowling. Lloyd was strapped in the passenger seat, forced to keep score.

Meanwhile, Zelos was trying to get some girls, but ended up annoying them. Raine hit him over the head and he was knocked unconscious.

Genki and Kame were trying to shove cookies down Yuan's throat. Yuan thought they may have been poisoned, so he resisted until the two sisters finally got a couple in his mouth.

"Oh, it's-- SugarwhyohTHANKYOUgirls!" He broke free of their grip as they crossed their arms, looked at each other, and nodded in glee.

Yuanyan ran around the room, playing with expensive equipment until there was lots of explosions. Kratos and Lloyd drove the car around until everyone was either unconscious or dead. (Don't worry, all the heroes from ToS were just unconscious!)

"Well, look at that. What's my score?"

"Um, a lot?"

"Oh yeah, son! Take it from me, Pedestrian Bowling is the second best!"

". . . what's the best, then?"

"Following lemmings over cliffs with a car!" The car was driven out of the room as Lloyd struggled free.

"Dad, how will we _live?!"_

"Just fly before you hit the bottom!"

"B-but Dad! I'm tied to the carseat, can't get free! Ah, no, Dad! _Somebody help me!!"_

The unconscious girls got up. **"The Ultimate Hottie!! **is gonna die! Let's go chase him!"

"Okay!"

And they all chased him to the cliff. . .

_The End._

**Genki: Whew! It's done. o.o; I thought I'd _never _find a place to end! If you're wondering who Mr. Fluffykins is, it's a guy that me and Kame made up for dumb stuff. She left to take a shower, but she gets credit for helping! (She helped with the whole Mr. Fluffykins sequence, and did most of her own dialogue!)**

**Lloyd: I can't believe you wrote that.**

**Genki: Neither could I, that last chapter was crap. Except for Pedestrian Bowling! XD Anyway, I just want to thank all the reviewers out there! You guys pushed me to keep this going, and I learned that I need to plan things ahead of time. o.o; Also, I enjoyed meeting some of you! It was cool to finally get some fans for my writing! (You guys really flatter me too much! n.n;) Thanks also for waiting patiently as I wrote this. Wow, I'm getting so mushy! Isn't it a disappointment that my grandparent's didn't bring over any oyster pudding leftovers from Christmas?**

**Lloyd: Ew, no.**

**Genki: Oh, come on! It's not _that _terrible! I only blanched when I tasted it at Christmas! (Yes, my grandparents actually make it every Christmas. o.o;) Speaking of leftovers, I'm _starving. . . _I haven't eaten anything today except that roll, and it's 10:57(AM)!**

**Thanks to everyone who made this possible! Maybe soon, I'll be able to start my newer fanfic, _Banana Mana Mania! _(Look for it!)**


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